Are you a GREEDY MEDITATOR? (here’s your Debit card to the Divine) One of the Yamas* that comes up often for my clients is: “Aparigraha”- non-possessiveness/ non-attachment/ non-greed We are ALL familiar with what these mean to us: •we know when we are being possessive of things or people •we can recognize when we are acting greedy •we know the feeling of being attached to things AND people. But, if we look at it from another perspective, “How might you be being POSSESSIVE/GREEDY/ATTACHED to a specific outcome within your MEDITATION practice”? This can happen at ANY level of practice, and comes up quite often for meditators at varying times in their lives. Here’s the scenario- we EXPERIENCE an A M A Z I N G , MAGICAL, OTHER-WORLDLY: • SENSATION • VISUALIZATION • EMOTION OF COMPLETE EXPANSIVENESS… during meditation, that leaves us with FEELING IN COMPLETE AND UTTER BLIIIIIIISSSSSS!!!!!! You are in COMPLETE CONNECTION with “ANANDAMAYA KOSHA”- YOUR LITERAL & METAPHYSICAL BLISS BODY!!! WOW! YOU ARE FLABERGHASTED, YOU CAN FEEL these tingling sensations EVERYWHERE, you feel as if NOTHING (not a single Samskara (bad memory or trauma) has ANY HOLD on you any longer, you are COMPLETELY FREE, you have arrived at this DIVINE state, and you are so OVERWHELMED, FINALLY, not with stress or anxiety, or fear, but instead COMPLETE SURRENDER, EASE, RELEASE, AND FLOW- YOU CAN LITERALLY FEEL THE INFINITE NATURE OF YOUR ENTIRE BEING, YOUR INTERCONNECTEDNESS TO THE ALL OF HUMAN EXISTENCE, and you KNOW, at the CORE of your being that ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE FOR YOU, in this moment, and you NEVER HAVE TO LEAVE. You can INSTANTLY manifest ANYTHING you desire in this space because time, space, and matter no longer exist for you- you are completely ALIGNED, fully CONNECTED to source, and ALL THOUGHTS even seem ABSOLUTELY USELESS because you are existing AS YOUR NATURE- PURE SPIRIT- you are simultaneously merging – IN UNION with- your left and right brain hemispheres, and are experiencing PURE RIGHT BRAIN- ONENESS- creative juices are pulsing through your veins and you are downloading massive inputs and light codes, and are at once conscious and not needing to figure anything out! For once! You are just BE-ing! what YOU HAVE REACHED is the W H O L E PURPOSE OF “YOGA” – TOTAL ABSORPTION in oneself/oneness/source, SAMADHI, or at least your own version, for now, of what that MIGHT feel like for YOU, in this NOW moment… WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? WHAT DO I DOOOOO NOW, HAVING HAD THIS EXPERIENCE? I WANT MOOOOOORE OF IT, AGAIN AND AGAIN! I WANT TO LIVE IN THIS SPACE FOREVER! Sound familiar? Of COURSE it does! We are HUMANS! And, when we experience pure spirit channeling through us, it feels fucking awesome! So, how DO you “get it again”? Well, here are 2 ways to approach this topic: WHY are we trying to HAVE WHAT WE ALREADY HAD, WHEN WHAT LIES BEFORE US COULD BE EVEN GREATER? Here’s a little anecdote to put this concept into perspective: “Why would you go to College… TWICE? you already went to college” – My Father, on me considering grad school (the non-importance & impossibility of doing the same exact thing… AGAIN) My Dad, though a severely abusive Narcissist who traumatized me up to the age of 42 when I cut him out of my life, DID have some wise words and life lessons, although very misplaced and ill-informed. This connects, bear with me. ONE of those was when I was considering going to grad school. He is a self-proclaimed billionaire, and only has a college education which he got by way of a shotput scholarship – not grades or aptitude. He is a salesman, having built his way to owning his own import furniture company after selling Chinese imports for his ENTIRE career in what he calls a blood-thirsty, cut-throat wholesale furniture business. He LOVES his work. He is a born salesman (a lier, yes, a manipulator, true, but he also KNOWS how to “SELL a ketchup popcycle to a woman in white gloves” – Tommy Boy.) It would have NEVER suited him to get further education, he was a self-made salesman out of PURE SCARCITY and LACK – his father gambled away EVERY penny he ever held in his hand, and got an absolute THRILL out of LOSING those pennies- THAT was his addiction. The point of that is that it is endemic in my father the BELIEF that whatever you have in your hand today, you will LOSE tomorrow, NOTHING is GUARANTEED. That is also what makes HIM the GREEDIEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET. But, it’s not because he WANTS to be greedy, he just HASN’T ever confronted his own trauma- he never questioned WHY he feels so blood-thirsty for BENJAMINS every second of his life and values every living being for their financial wealth instead of their inherent worth as a loving, giving human. What he fails to see in life is that he ACTUALLY DOESN’T NEED ANY MORE MONEY. HE ALREADY HAS ALL HE COULD EVER NEED AND MORE, BUT HE CAN’T LOOK BACK AND RECOGNIZE IT BECAUSE HE IS BLINDED BY DESIRE FOR MORE TO FILL THE HOLE LEFT IN HIM FROM HIS UNOBSERVED CHILDHOOD OF FEAR OF NOT HAVING ENOUGH TO SURVIVE. He fails to see that he ALWAYS HAS survived, and has even far surpassed his own sustenance to the point of gross amassing of wealth (which he hordes and uses to manipulate his children and anyone outside of his church, with, by the way, a special type of greed – this is my judgement- and these are also facts- and also ones that have done damage to me and my brother- his children- past wives, and their children- irrelevant, but I just wanted to share because I am human and want this opportunity to be seen about this, too- perhaps it helps someone else who shares a similar situation with a Narcissistic, “religious zealot”
